This Thing Called Love

Have you ever noticed the slippery slope this love thing can be? How when we don’t have that special someone to love, we tend to believe that’s what we need to be happy? And how about when we are in that love relationship, do we then believe that it’s going to give us what we need to live “happily ever after”?

It’s true that the beginning of a love relationship can give us a high like no other–and who doesn’t love that feeling! But is what we think of as “love” the real thing–or could it be just a masterful disguise?

When we feel loved by another, all does seem right in our world. Romantic love is so potent, in fact, that it can turn even a hardened heart into “mush” or drive a sane person into doing some pretty wild things. Love is indeed our universal language; it’s something we all speak and is the “glue” that binds us to one another.

Love is, unequivocally, the most powerful force in the Universe!

• “Love alone can unite living beings so as to complete and fulfill them . . . for it alone joins them by what is deepest in themselves. All we need is to imagine our love developing until it embraces the totality of men and of the earth.” Teilhard de Chardin

How much of your life have you been searching for someone to love you? If you’re feeling the absence of love, then you’re simply not looking in the “right” place. You’ve bought into the belief that love comes from the outside and that you need it from another to complete you.

The craving for love can lead us to artificial substitutes such as food, drugs, alcohol, sex–or just about anything that brings us similar feelings. These may work in the short-term, but any temporary fix can leave us feeling worse about ourselves and may even lead to an addictive cycle.

We’ve all heard it said that you can’t love another until you first love yourself. How can you give away something that you feel is missing within you? If you don’t believe you’re lovable, if you self-reject, you won’t be able to give–or receive–real love: you can’t dip from an empty bucket! When we do feel the love within, when we’re tuned into our naturally loving Self, we then know the Truth about what it really is to love.

There aren’t really different kinds of love, no matter how it may appear. The love we feel for our parents, family, children, friends and lovers are only variations of the same theme. If there are conditions placed on love, if it’s withdrawn unless we meet certain criteria, then we’re dealing with the ego–an imposter–not love.

So, what’s the secret to finding True Love? 

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”  Oscar Wilde

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!   ♥

America The Colorful

For many of us, placing our attention on what we fear and fighting to avoid its manifestation has taken center stage over focusing on what we want, what we’d rather have, how we choose to live. Being fearful of “the other” is totally unfounded and the truth is, we all participate in building the kind of America we want to have with our thoughts, words and deeds.

I was born to parents that were second generation Americans. I am a woman and Jewish as well, so I know what discrimination feels like. My parents didn’t teach us to see color or religion as an obstacle to acceptance. They welcomed all my friends from our diverse neighborhood and I didn’t think that I was better than another because I was white or less than another because of my heritage or gender.

As a parent and grandparent, I know that teaching our children accountability for what they say and the actions they take is essential in helping them grow up to be responsible adults–and that lying, cheating and stealing will bring unpleasant consequences. As adults, we all have the responsibility to model the behaviors we wish to instill in the children of the world.

No matter how hard some try, it’s not possible to go backwards. The evolutionary impulse of the Universe doesn’t allow that to happen. We can try to dismantle progress, but it is a futile attempt and one that is fraught with pain and suffering.

We have the ability to put people in power who are of high integrity, who take personal responsibility for what they say, what they do, the way they treat others. This is not a party issue, but rather a people issue. If you want politicians who will represent our diverse America and defend our democracy, then let your voice be heard: Get out and Vote!

The Freedom Bell is now ringing loudly.

The only question is, are you going to answer its call?

 

The Kindness Factor

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”  Dalai Lama

Kindness–like compassion–is an emotion that takes up residence in the heart. Offering kindness to another is in our nature and it’s something that feels good to both the giver and the receiver. Even just a little bit of kindness can greatly improve the quality of our lives. So what is it that prevents many of us from showing our “kind side” as we move about in our day?

We may think about being kind to others, but we won’t be able to offer genuine kindness to anyone if we don’t have an abundance of it for ourselves: “You can’t dip from an empty bucket!” We may also think that being nice is the same thing as being kind, but there is a noticeable distinction between the two. Oftentimes, when we are trying to be “nice”, there’s a hidden motive attached to our acts–whether we’re cognizant of it at the time or not. With kindness, that simply doesn’t exist–there’s no hidden agenda.

“Perfect kindness acts without thinking of kindness.” Lao-Tse

Kindness can be made a habit by consistent practice–just like anything else we repeat enough times. Since we are habitual creatures, it’s good to note what our well-ingrained habits are and see if it’s in our best interest to keep or replace them. We might consider if what we do habitually really contributes to our ability to be the best version of ourselves as often as possible. Truth is, we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge.

Genuine kindness comes easily when we are sensitive to our internal voice–our intuition–that guides our natural impulse to be loving, caring beings. If thoughts of criticism and judgment roll around in our mind often, being kind will not feel very natural or authentic.

We may also find it difficult to think kindly thoughts if we often feel the need to protect or defend ourselves against someone who is being mean or unfair. To truly see beyond this perception, we must be willing to put aside petty grievances and remember that the person who doesn’t appear to deserve our kindness is precisely the one who needs it most.  When someone is in fear or emotional pain, they often act in a manner that makes it difficult for us to respond in kindness.

If we allow the negativity that seems to be at an all-time high these days take up our attention–rather than listening to our own hearts–we may become hardened to the world around us. We need to censor what we listen to and read so we don’t become discouraged and lose our sense of shared humanity. It’s so important we remember that we are all in this together, and then act like that’s true (because it is!). Try passing kindness around wherever you go and see what a difference you can make in your corner of the world.

Simple acts of kindness are a great way to “pay it forward.” It gives us a love boost and rewards us many times over. Have you ever noticed that a simple, unsolicited compliment from someone sticks like glue long after it’s been given? Or how good it feels when a person you don’t know asks if you need help with something or just offers you a hand when you need it the most?

The feelings we get from being kind to another is a healing balm to our own hearts. Being kind has the ability to open up our world to one beyond our ego’s false sense of self-importance and give us something real and lasting to pass around . . .

“Be Kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”  Dalai Lama

 

To Tell The Truth…

Three things cannot be long hidden: The Sun, The Moon and The Truth.” Buddha

How do we tell the difference between the truth and a lie–what’s fact or fiction? Are the declarative statements we make opinions or facts? Do you ever notice that what you think is “true” is often not seen that way by another?

It is true that we all have our own opinions and perceptions and often believe that they are factual. What we may not realize, though, is that our viewpoint can’t help but be tainted by our past experiences and that it often distorts how we see our world. The truth is, we really don’t see things as they are–we see things as we are.

“Only with the heart can one see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery  (from “The Little Prince”)

How we were raised determines many of our perceptions about life, including our  biases. For instance, if you grew up in an environment that was intolerant of others who were not like your family–your “kind”–a prejudice or judgment has been planted in your mind. What we do with that, however, becomes a choice only when we realize how we’re reacting and observe whether it serves us to keep feeding this pattern. In other words, we decide to live as response-able adults.

Repetition Creates The Master!

The way we generally learn and remember things is through repetition: that’s a fact. Therefore, we’re more vulnerable to believing something when it’s repeated enough times and we have little or no resistance to the content because of our past messaging. In other words, if it “rings true” or resonates within us because it’s within the construct of our beliefs, it will swiftly bypass the reasoning part of our conscious mind and slip down to the subconscious, becoming part of the fabric of our programming.

Advertisers are expert “hypnotists”: they know how to bypass the reasoning mind and lower resistance. They understand how to reach the subconscious and plant suggestions that convince us of the need to buy their product, use their service or talk to our doctor about a drug for a disease we can expect to have! We’re often manipulated by their fear tactics without realizing it. (I do love my remote’s “mute” button!). How often do you pay attention to ads and then find yourself repeating this to another or following up on what you heard? Even if you’re not consciously listening, your subconscious always is!

We may not be aware of just how easily influenced by authority figures we actually are–such as parents, teachers, doctors, spiritual leaders, etc.–even as adults. We’re taught from the beginning that we need to listen, respect and heed what the “powerful people” say. Our responsibility for how we influence others must not be taken lightly.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters,
cannot be trusted with important matters.“ Albert Einstein

We do have a tendency to believe what fits our story–whatever is our take about “reality”. It then becomes easier to be swayed into believing  similar perceptions about life and then repeat them as facts. (This is one way rumors get started and spread like wildfire!) If we value our minds as we do any other precious commodity, we will not allow intruders to steal our power or disturb our peace.

It’s true that we do retain everything we learn and experience over our lifetime. However, that job is done almost entirely by the vast storehouse that is the subconscious (the 90% of our mind that’s below conscious level of awareness). We can remember things “on demand”–when necessary or prompted in some way.

For instance, have you noticed how quickly you go back to a place and time because of something you see, hear, smell, touch, or taste? When our senses trigger a memory–particularly an emotional one–we’re tapping into the archive of the subconscious mind. One of the most common and powerful anchors happens to be music–taking us right out of the present and into the past. In other words, we’re entering a trance state when this happens.

So, if we take the time to practice turning down the volume of the chattering, habitual mind, we will discover a whole new world of Truth in the silence.

When we get out of our head and into our heart,

We will know the Truth that sets us Free . . .

Just as all little children do!

 

 

 

 

 

Gimme Some Lovin’

This thing called love is something we need for our very survival: When we feel loved, all is right in our world. It may be difficult to articulate exactly what love is, but we sure know what it does to–and for–us. Love is so potent, in fact, that it can turn even a hardened heart into “mush” or drive a sane person into doing some pretty crazy things. Love is indeed our universal language; it’s something all humanity understands as well as the “glue” that eternally binds us to one another. Love is, unequivocally, the most powerful force in the Universe!

• “Love alone can unite living beings so as to complete and fulfill them . . . for it alone joins them by what is deepest in themselves. All we need is to imagine our love developing until it embraces the totality of men and of the earth.” Teilhard de Chardin

Because we love being “in love”, we may feel that something is missing when we’re not in a special, intimate relationship; we may crave our own “love story” with a happy ending. Or, if we do have a mate, we may be afraid that someday one of us may lose that lovin’ feeling and we’ll be alone again. And then there are those who’ve given up on human companionship and turn to their loyal pets to fill them up: The unconditional love from animals is pure, consistent and demands nothing in return.

How much of your life have you been searching for someone to love you? If you feel the absence of love, then you’re simply not looking in the “right” place. You’ve bought into the belief that love comes from the outside, has limits and is untrustworthy. You might even attempt to find a substitute for love in food (it will never reject you!), sex, drugs, alcohol, or any other addiction, but it’s only a temporary fix; when its effects wear off, the emptiness returns.

We’ve all heard it said that you can’t love another until you first love yourself. How can you give away something that you don’t feel you have? If you don’t believe you’re lovable, you won’t be able to give or receive love: no one can make you see what you are blind to. When we do feel the love, when we’re tuned into our loving Self, we then see it reflected everywhere we look.

There aren’t really different kinds of love, no matter how it may appear. The love we feel for our parents, family, children, friends and lovers are only variations of the same theme. If there are conditions placed on love, if it’s withdrawn unless we meet certain criteria, then we’re dealing with the ego, not love.

So, what’s the secret to finding True Love? 

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”  Oscar Wilde

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!   ♥

‘Tis the Season

‘Tis the Season to be Jolly . . .

But maybe you’re just not in the holiday spirit (bah, humbug)!

Not everyone likes this time of year. It can bring up a lot of pain for those who’ve lost someone or have no family to celebrate the holidays with. It can also be painful for those who feel overwhelmed with too many obligations but find themselves trying to do it all anyway, sometimes sacrificing their own health and well-being in the process.

Obligations really do suck. What is even suckier is taking action from that awful feeling of guilt and doing what you believe you “have” to do, what’s expected of you. If you’re just not into it this year, cut yourself some slack and stop stressing out, making yourself miserable and feeling a victim of it. If this has a familiar ring, here’s my advice: either refrain from doing what isn’t in your heart or simply accept whatever you end up doing with a positive attitude. It’s your choice.

I think this time of year is special for many reasons. It has nothing to do with religion for me personally, but I do see it as a time to celebrate the human spirit and our beautiful, loving nature. I so enjoy seeing people reaching out to others in kindness. I also get a kick out of how much fun grown-ups have when they allow their own inner child to come out and play right alongside the other kids. And every year, I thoroughly look forward to the traditional holiday music that can magically uplift our spirits.

If you approach this season with an open heart–in the spirit of love–then you will feel great and make it something memorable.If you enjoy the glitz and glamour and decorate to impress, then this is probably your favorite time of year. If you love to give to those less fortunate, then the “Season for Sharing” must be especially satisfying for you.

No matter what your take is on the holiday itself, you’ll feel good if you open up to the camaraderie that surrounds you. Relax a little more–take things a bit easier–and just enjoy it in your own personal way. It sure beats “suffering” your way through it now, doesn’t it?

In the Spirit of the Season, I wish you Inner Peace, Love and Joy.

May you have the Happiest of Holidays!

“In The Beginning Was The Word” . . .

The word is a force–a powerful tool we have to express ourselves freely, as we see fit. Good to remember, though, that the words we use to communicate may leave a long-lasting imprint on the minds of those who are on the receiving end.

The power of the word must not be understated. Depending on how we use our word, it can evoke emotions–sometimes very strong ones–in another. If we use our words as “weapons”, it can cut down to the very core of a person, leaving a scar that may never quite heal–especially if we happen to be an authority figure of some kind. It’s always best to make a point of paying attention to how we may affect someone else by the words we use.

History reveals just how powerful words can be on a massive scale–capable of manipulating minds and destroying lives. What happened in Nazi Germany is a palpable example of how costly using words of hate and racial prejudice truly can be. Hitler hooked the attention of his people and downloaded fear and hatred, poisoning their minds to do his bidding. This form of contamination is like a destructive virus that infects the core of a computer.  The damage that it does is irreparable.

We must take responsibility for the words we use. Is it our intention to love, or is it to cause fear and pain? Learning to choose our words in the most mindful manner is truly an art. Carelessness of what we express can have painful repercussions and at times, change the course of a person’s life. It’s particularly vital when we’re in a position of authority that we take great care in the words we use to communicate, especially when dealing with the tender mind of a child. Think before you speak! 

How often do you pay attention to your body language when speaking? Most of us don’t. However, it can easily reveal the emotion behind the words used and the intent is then communicated clearly. Sometimes this “unspoken language” exposes our unconscious agenda more profoundly than the actual words that come out of our mouths.

Have you ever given someone “your word”? This verbal contract is completely secured by your integrity–it must be as “good as gold”. If someone puts their trust in you and you don’t follow it up with an action, then your word will be worthless going forward. That is a sure path to a damaged reputation.

We always have the choice to be mindful. We can choose to use our words to love, comfort, support and encourage others. We can also choose to hold our tongue when we are caught up in the whirlwind of an emotion. Not much good comes out of communicating when in we’re in emotional turmoil, does it?   

“Be Impeccable With Your Word:

Speak With Integrity

Say Only What You Mean

Avoid Using the Word to Speak Against Yourself or Others

Use the Power of Your Word in the Direction of Truth and Love”

           From “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz

 

Each One of Us Holds The Future of the World in Our Hands!

 

 

Daddy’s Day

Fatherhood is quite an adventure–a journey like no other! Even though there may be a few “bumps in the road” at first, things do smooth out eventually. Perhaps you think it would be great if someone handed out instructions on how to be the best dad ever when your baby is born. However, what you may soon discover is that the love you have for your little one is the best guidance there is, helping you navigate through the roughest of waters.

Sometimes parenting doesn’t come naturally: no surprise there! What makes it easier and smoother, though, is an unwavering commitment to do your best along with a bit of education on what it takes to give your children what they need to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted individuals. We might think that we’re “raising children” while they’re growing up but, in fact, we’re really raising adults.

A Daddy’s Love

When your child is born the role that you play, becomes more important with each passing day.

As a baby she’s not that easy to understand, but soon she’ll have words to express her demands.

You may not get why he cries so much, just be sure to soothe him with your gentle touch.

Her smiles and tears are hard to ignore, yet they both contribute to you loving her more.

As you tuck him into bed at night, take a moment to reassure him; let him know he’s alright.

Your daughter or son will learn much from you; stay aware that you’re molding them by how you act, what you do.

Before you speak it’s best to think twice, for your words leave a mark on their spirit through life.

There’s nothing like a father’s love to fill a child’s heart;

It sees them through thick and thin, whether you’re together or miles apart.

So remember to say ” I love you“, no matter what they do,

For these words mean everything, because they come from you!

 Happy Father’s Day To All!

“Dearest Mom”

Mother’s Day has become bittersweet for me in the last few years, ever since my own mom passed away. I don’t think it will ever be quite the same again. . .

Years ago someone said that when you lose your mom, your life changes in inconceivable ways: I now understand what that means. The world just seems so different without her in it. Sometimes I do feel her presence and see her in my dreams. When this happens, a deep sense of peace and comfort washes over me.

Not everyone feels close to their mother–I didn’t for years–but rest assured that she is the one you’ll always be connected to on some level, no matter what. There is the biological connection, of course, but it runs deeper than that. It goes to the very heart of our being–down to our soul.

I love being a mom and am grateful to have my children and grandchildren to share life with; they’ve enriched my journey beyond measure. For those of you who are not mothers, the absence of human children doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t feel like a mom to any pet kids you may have in your family. These wonderful spirits are definitely our “babies” for all of their lives and mothering them is the real thing (as I can personally attest to).

It’s so easy to take our mothers for granted, particularly when we’re young. We grow up assuming she’ll always be there to fall back on when we stumble. It’s hard to imagine life without her, no matter how much she may irritate us–especially when we’re teenagers–or try to control our lives. Yet, her influence continues to be strong even when we’re all grown up. This, however, may not be something we would readily admit to ourselves (I sure didn’t)!

After my mom passed away over 2 years ago, I learned so much more about her than I ever could have imagined possible. As I sorted through her belongings, getting the house ready for sale, I discovered a woman I barely knew. She saved much of her past in journals, photo albums, cards and letters from the time she was a young girl. They revealed so much about her other life through her friends, co-workers and relative’s eyes as well as accomplishments I was unaware of. I was surprised at how much I never knew about her and it has truly changed my viewpoint of her.

I still miss my mom every day. Even though I rebelled against her, causing both of us grief, I came to realize that I never really could know her because of my tainted perspective and perception of her as “my mom”–someone who just never seemed to understand or support me the way I expected her to. After she passed, none of that mattered anymore.

In the last few months of her life, I encouraged my mom to talk about her past and what she shared with me freed us both. We were able to mend much of what stood between us over the years. I let her know that I forgave her and that no matter what had transpired, I had always honored and loved her. I am grateful for those intimate moments and will cherish them always.

And so on this special occasion, I extend love and respect to all the mothers in this world (and beyond), and hope that you have a wonderful day of celebration. After all, none of us would be here without you!

 

 

 

Worry Wart

“Worrying” is not a coping mechanism; even though it’s often disguised as one. In actuality, it’s one of the most self-defeating and destructive habits we can ever develop and hand down to our children.

It seems fitting to compare the state of worry to a virus; both these little buggers are contagious, undesirable and adversely affect our health in one way or another. And if we happen to be a chronic worrier, we’re putting ourselves in a state of chronic stress, which can have a detrimental effect on our emotional, mental and physical health long-term. It would be prudent to practice self-awareness–being a “witness” to what the mind is doing–so that we can take control and actually eradicate the epidemic of worry from our daily lives.

It’s been stated that “worry is when fear hits the imagination.”  Once fear is taken up by our imagination, the incessant chatter begins and the worry stories are created. Stopping this process is so much easier when caught at the beginning, before it has the chance to pick up momentum. But, since we’re always the driver behind all train of thought, we are capable of applying the brakes at any time to stop the “worry train” in its tracks.

So, when fear threatens to grab your attention and your mind wants to get involved, just stop and become consciously aware of what’s happening internally. Nip worry in the bud by realizing that without the luxury of “time”–past or future–worry wouldn’t exist. Only by bringing yourself back to what’s right in front of you in this moment will you be capable of preventing this pesky varmint from attaching to your psyche.

If you take a moment now to think about it, you’ll realize that worry never helps us deal with any situation in a helpful manner, nor does it bring about a resolution. In truth, it actually hinders us from being aware of what–if any–action we can take right now that would dissolve the fear. And if there is no apparent immediate action to take, then why would it make any sense to worry?

You might be someone who believes that worrying is a “natural” and unavoidable consequence of life itself. Well, that’s simply just false! As silly as it might sound, have you ever heard of an animal or plant (or baby for that matter) worrying? Of course not–they haven’t the language for it. They naturally know how to stay rooted in the moment and allow life to be just as it is without resistance, evolving as needed for survival. Just like the tree that bends with the wind when it blows it about, we also have the innate ability to go with the flow and experience what life is offering from moment-to-moment.

Have you ever noticed how the word “worry” has become such common vernacular in our society that it seems to be on everyone’s lips wherever we turn? Unfortunately, most of us have become so accustomed to hearing about how many things in this world there are to worry about, that we’re hypnotized into believing that the act of worrying is akin to staying safe and well. To that I say–it’s time to wake up people and free yourselves!

Here’s a suggestion that will have a positive impact on your life: declare your mind a WORRY-FREE ZONE. In this way, you will more easily notice when your mind wants to worry and have the presence to stop the nonsense immediately. What follows is a feeling we all desire but have little experience with: Inner Peace.

And to take it one step further, if you want to know the secret to a happy life, just ask little children; they’re always ready and willing to share their wisdom!

“Be like a very small, joyous child living gloriously in the ever-present Now–without a single worry or concern about even the next moment of time.” Eileen Caddy