The Root of the Problem…

The Buddhists believe that attachment is the root of suffering. If you think about it, doesn’t it make sense that if you need to have something–or someone–in your life in order to feel whole, that losing it would cause suffering? Anytime we experience a void within and then find something that works to fill it, we are going to suffer if it disappears.

So how do we go through life and not attach to the people we love, the things we have, the labels we’ve achieved? How do we accept “what is”–our present reality–if we don’t like the way it makes us feel?

At first glance, it’s difficult to comprehend how we can accept anything that causes fear, emptiness or pain. Our habitual reaction may be one of victimization, perceiving whatever is happening as unfair, bad or wrong. We often blame someone or something for causing our emotional reaction. However, playing the “blame game” won’t do anything to relieve our pain and suffering–it just exacerbates it. When we’re caught up in emotional upheaval, though, it may not feel like we have a choice in the matter. It isn’t until the fog clears that we’re able to see things differently and respond more consciously.

It seems that only if we’re forced into a state of survival could we wrap our mind around the concept of total acceptance of “what is”. When something of an urgent nature happens, we become very Present and take appropriate action–without any arguing. Intuition kicks in when the mind doesn’t have a chance to dwell. We simply can’t afford the luxury of suffering when dealing with an emergency!

When we identify with anything, we automatically become attached to it and will suffer if we lose it. We all experience attachments throughout our lives to many things, such as relationships (family, friends), material items, jobs, our bodies, and most certainly our pet kids! We also attach to our stories about our past and future and what we tell ourselves about how things “should be”, rather than facing how they truly are so we can deal with them in a healthy manner.

Now, just to be clear, I’m not suggesting that if we experience a loss of some kind that we deny how we feel about it, or that grieving isn’t a necessary step in releasing the pain and getting to acceptance.  There’s a vast difference between taking responsibility for our emotions and working through them vs. staying stuck in a story of denial or victimization. When we allow these stories to dictate our lives, they will color our perceptions and imprison us–sometimes for decades. Keep in mind that time doesn’t heal anything: only when we change our mind will we find the freedom we seek!

We’re all on a spiritual journey as we travel through life in human form. We all have the option of accepting whatever our present reality happens to be and choosing to see the lesson or evolutionary growth it offers. There are many choices we can make and suffering doesn’t have to be one of them. The truth is, Life evolves itself wisely–even if we don’t have the wisdom to see it when we’re in pain.

Learning to live without attachments is a habit we can cultivate–one that will get easier as we see how it betters our health, relationships and even our finances. If we’re willing to be self-observant and take a step back, we will see what we’re attached to and how it makes us feel. Only by examining what’s going on inside regarding what’s happening on the outside will we be capable of changing our reaction into a response and deal with whatever it is in a more loving way.

We will not stop caring, desiring, loving or enjoying what we have when we live without attachments and become more fluid–going with the flow. We merely appreciate what we have for as long as we have it and cease to argue with how things work out in the outer world . . .

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” Buddha

 

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