Turn that Frown Upside Down!

In other words–SMILE!

Our energy changes when we let our lips turn upward into a smile: this simple act has the power to transform our world in an instant! A smile is also universal—irrespective of the language we speak—and can easily break through even the most difficult communication barriers. Isn’t it amazing how a smile brightens up our day and has a similar effect on others who happen to be in our presence? Yes, there’s nothing quite like a genuine smile: its positive vibrations are felt in the heart, effortlessly improving our outlook.

What if you don’t feel like smiling or don’t believe you have anything to smile about? Well, just use your imagination and think of something that makes you feel good and, before you know it, your lips will form a smile automatically.

• Smiling is the natural response to feeling good—a truly effortless gesture—and takes less facial muscles to produce than a frown.

Here are some wonderful reasons to smile:

A smile is contagious.

A smile relieves stress.

A smile lowers blood pressure.

A smile boosts the immune system.

A smile releases certain mood-enhancing chemicals, such as endorphins and serotonin.

A smile lifts the face and makes you look younger.

A smile makes you feel and look more attractive.

A smile can reduce symptoms of anxiety.

And perhaps most importantly, a smile is also a simple “prayer” of love, hope and positive expectation.

When you’re ready to leave home in the morning, check the mirror one last time . . . because you’re not fully dressed until you’re wearing a smile!

Now, if you’re still not convinced of how magical and beneficial smiling truly is, then perhaps my little granddaughter’s approach will be more effective . . .

I dare you NOT to smile!

Out of the mouths of babes! 

We all have them . . .

Mothers, that is!

Our mother carries us for 9 months, giving over her body for the sake of our development, and then takes care of our needs every day for several years: we often continue to stay dependent on her long after we’ve grown our own “wings”. Even though we know that our mothers are fallible too—having many of the same fears, insecurities and weaknesses as other humans—our inner child may have a hard time letting go of the (mostly) unconscious point of view it has about her.

Too often we cling to old expectations of our mother, seeing her as someone who should know better, should always understand us . . . and beliefs such as these can dominate us even when we’re adults with children—or grandchildren—of our own! This has never been more apparent to me than it is now as I watch my own children take on the role of parenting. What a daunting task it is to have the responsibility for another person’s life and how easy it is to be fearful of making mistakes. There’s nothing like seeing our own vulnerability to wake us up to the truth that we all do the best we can at any given point in time with the information we have at hand—and that includes our mothers!

How well do you think you know your mother? I thought I knew mine very well. After all, I’ve been her daughter for almost 6 decades, so I must know most everything about her, right? Wrong! The older I get, the more aware I am of just how I haven’t truly embraced her evolution throughout the years because I so often saw her through the child’s eyes, placing her in a role that I unwittingly expected her to play. Now that I’ve opened my mature eyes–and my heart–to who she is today, not only has my relationship with my mother transformed, but also my relationship with my children. (Because I have a greater understanding of how they may still view me, I’m helping to dispel any myths they’ve held onto—especially the one that might have them duped into thinking that “mother knows best”!)

Here is a wonderful Mother’s Day present you can give to that very special lady in your life: Let her off the hook! Free her from the past perceptions you may still have of her, the ones from the child’s point of view. Find out who she is now—her feelings, fears and desires—and appreciate the wisdom that her years and experiences have brought her. Allow this new knowledge to help your relationship blossom and become a more updated version of you both.

An Ode to Motherhood:

  A mother always keeps you tucked in her heart,

Whether you’re close or miles apart.

She easily remembers when you were small,

When you didn’t yet know very much at all.

She’ll treat you the same if you let her, you know,

So act like an adult and help her to let go.

But if she forgets, just pay it no mind,

For a mother’s love is special—transcending space and time.

Happy Mother’s Day to You and Yours!! ♥

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning

I can see the beautiful blue sky. I can hear the birds singing to the day. I can feel the cool breeze drifting in from the open windows, sweeping through the house. What a beautiful day it is to be alive, don’t you think?

This day is the ONLY day to live. I plan on living it to the fullest. I intend on looking for things that make me smile. I will open my eyes to all the beauty that surrounds me. I will keep my ears tuned in for the sounds of life that thrill me. I will indulge my senses and appreciate the bounty that Mother Earth is providing me.

I have no other time to live but now. Neither do you.

Be mindful today…Meditate a bit before going out into the world. Don’t take everything so seriously.

In other words:  Just CHILL!!

And have the kind of day that makes you feel good, OK?

Life Lessons

I turned on PBS a few weeks ago and voila, there on stage stood the prolific Wayne Dyer, just beginning a presentation on his latest book–which I didn’t know anything about–entitled, Wishes Fulfilled. A short time into the program, he talked about a “very special lady” who would soon join him on stage where she would share her amazing story about her NDE (near death experience). He spoke very highly of her and how it was a privilege to have written the forward in her recently published book. After I listened to Anita Moorjani talk about her life, her illness and recovery that she details in her book, ”Dying to be Me”, I then knew why I was urged to turn on the television in the middle of a too-beautiful-to-be-in-the-house Sunday afternoon.

Anita’s story is one of the most enlightening I’ve ever encountered on NDE’s (I’ve heard about many such experiences over the years). What makes it so unparalleled are not only the circumstances that led up to the event but also what happened to her body afterwards. The comprehensive documentation in the book of her medical condition was written by an oncologist not personally associated with her case. Reading his findings left me in even greater awe of how amazing our bodies truly are and that no matter how dire things may appear, the body has the ability to heal itself.

Anita was diagnosed in 2002 with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After 4 years of trying various healing modalities and searching for a cure, she had finally succumbed to the disease and was taken to the hospital in a coma. Her organs were rapidly shutting down and her doctor told her husband that although her heart is still beating, “she’s not really in there, and it’s too late to save her.”  She now had lemon-size tumors invading her upper body while large, ulcerated lesions covered the skin’s surface. Although they were doing what they could to keep her alive, they didn’t expect her to last through the night.

Anita is quite articulate in describing what transpired while in a coma and what it was that helped her to decide to come back into her body and resume life. She also made the point that she came back knowing that her health would inexplicably return. And it did. Within 2 days of regaining consciousness, her organs started functioning again. The tumors were visibly shrinking within three days time. Within 2 weeks, the doctors couldn’t even find a lymph node large enough to even suggest cancer.

Anita states that she came back with an important message to share with the world. She writes, “Each one of us is like a single thread in a huge tapestry, woven in a complex and colorful pattern. We may only be one strand, yet we’re all integral to the finished image. We affect the lives of others just by choosing whether or not to be true to ourselves.”

She came back with the realization that all she ever had to be was herself and to live fearlessly. After having spent her entire life being “positive”, trying to please others and ignoring her own needs and wants, her experience on the other side helped her piece together the reason this disease had taken up residence in her body. Anita got the message that ”to be me is to be Love” and credits this Truth as the lesson that ultimately saved her.

I think Sammy Davis, Jr. got it right with these profound lyrics from his song:

  “I’ve gotta be me . . . what else can I be but what I Am.“

Blessed

Most of us are thankful for the blessings we do have . . . but many times they just didn’t come very easily!

Life would be so much easier if we just had unconditional faith in The Universe’s Infinite Wisdom and therefore gave up the struggle when facing challenges. If we could just hold tight to an inner knowing that the situation will help us expand, evolve and eventually reveal itself to be a blessing, we wouldn’t worry or suffer no matter how “bad” it may look through our eyes at the time. When we know that our perception creates our reality, we will do whatever it takes to look beyond appearances–no matter how painful it feels to us–so we’re able to see it as a blessing in disguise.

To someone who’s “lost it all” or survived a tragedy, the blessing behind these events may take some time to emerge, but it will, as there are many things born of these experiences that wouldn’t otherwise have had the breeding ground to do so. There have been numerous compassionate organizations and laws formed as a direct result of personal tragedies: MADD, Mother Against Drunk Drivers and the Amber Alert are well-known examples of these.

There are also people around the world who have amazing stories about how a misfortune, accident or illness became a magnificent blessing for them and transformed so many other lives as well.

I have a story filled with blessings to share with you here—and it just happens to be my own.

When I was a little girl, I suffered from a painful and progressive joint condition that my doctor predicted would eventually affect my whole body and put me in a wheelchair. The other consulting doctors agreed that this disease-with-no-name would cause me to need numerous joint replacement surgeries once I stopped growing (I was around 10 at the time). I did have hip surgery at 17—even though I hadn’t yet stopped growing—and by the time I reached my early 20′s, my condition so baffled my doctors because they hadn’t seen anything like it before—especially in a young person—that one internist in particular concluded that it had to be an auto-immune disease and the prognosis was grim. His advice was to “go out and live your life because you may not make it into your 30′s!”

I won’t go into any more of the details here, but when he doomed me to such a short existence filled with chronic pain and little hope, I did what he recommended and made some radical changes (one of them was moving 2000 miles away from home to AZ) and it was this decision that started a chain of events that helped me transform my body, mind and spirit in some pretty amazing ways. Because I put the responsibility for my life back into my own hands, I felt more in control of my “destiny” and the rest—as they say—is history!

I am healthier now as I approach my 60th birthday than I’ve ever been in my life: I actually feel younger and more vibrant than ever before! This seemingly negative situation took me to the depths of my soul and forced me to make some tough choices that I struggled with for many years. But it also afforded me the opportunity to grow into the person I am today with the ability to help others do the “impossible” too.

Now that’s what I call a blessing that just keeps on counting!

Believe it–or Not

Whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe, You will Achieve . . .

Do you go on day after day thinking the same types of thoughts and getting the same results without even giving it a thought? That sounds like the definition of insanity to me!

Many of the beliefs (repetitive thought patterns) we hold today didn’t come from original thought, but rather from the thoughts of those who’ve surrounded us our entire lives. Our minds were easily programmed before the age of reason (around 6-7 years old) by many authority figures: at the top of the list are parents, relatives, teachers, government and religious leaders. And even though these beliefs were accepted by us before we ever realized we had a choice in the matter, we can choose differently now; it’s never too late to change our mind.

Beliefs can be tricky; many times we don’t even know what we really believe unless we know what to look for. So here’s a hint: open up your eyes very wide and look at what you’ve manifested in your life–what you call reality. Our beliefs have always been busy building our lives for us, one thought at a time.  And If we pay attention to our reactions, words and deeds, we will witness our beliefs in action, giving instructions to the Universe of how to design our lives.

Are you doubtful that you have the ability to change your beliefs? Well, you’ve been changing your beliefs for years. Perhaps when you were a child you believed in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, to name a few. Do you still believe in them now that you’re an adult? Probably not. Back then, you may have also believed that you could be whatever you dreamed of becoming, have whatever your heart desired, until the “real world” talked you out of it! So, the only challenge really is in discovering what you believe and examining whether these beliefs are serving or sabotaging your life.

Much has been written on the subject of beliefs by many great philosophers, spiritual leaders, masters and teachers. I have compiled a few for you to ponder:

Mike Dooley from his book “Infinite Possibilities“:

“Perception is our view of the world and of ourselves through our beliefs.”    “To Master your thoughts and imagination and therefore your life and destiny, you must first master their captain–your beliefs.”

Gregg Braden from his book “The Spontaneous Healing of Belief“:

“We live our lives based on what we believe about our world, ourselves, our capabilities and our limits.”     “Belief is the program that creates patterns in reality.”    ”Many of our most deeply held beliefs are subconscious and begin when our brain state allows us to absorb the ideas of others before the age of seven.”

Don Miguel Ruiz from his book “The Fifth Agreement“:

“Every one of our beliefs, from a minimal one to a whole philosophy, is using our life force to survive.”    ”If you use your awareness, you will see everything you believe and this is how you live your life.  Your life is totally dominated by the system of beliefs that you learned.”

Ernest Holmes–founder of Religious Science (Science of Mind):

“Rearrange your thought to conform to the belief that you are One with all the Power and all the Presence there is; it is flowing through you as Health, Happiness and Success.”

Wayne Dyer–Teacher, spiritual leader in the field of personal development:

“There is one grand lie–that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.”    ”What you see is evidence of what you believe. Believe it and you’ll see it.”     ”Our beliefs are the invisible ingredients in all our activities. Examine what you believe to be impossible, and change your beliefs.”

There you have it: a preponderance of evidence that beliefs rule the mind, our lives, our world. Now, what you do with that information is up to you, of course.

 But don’t you think now would be a good time to open your eyes and really see what you believe?

In the Habit

We all have habits . . .

So many, in fact, that we don’t often realize when we’re operating from one.

The majority of our habits enhance our lives, helping us to be more efficient with our time: life would be even more challenging if we had to think about every little thing we do! Some of the habits we’ve cultivated, however, tend to be problematic–causing suffering, struggling and pain. We are such “creatures of habit” that we even help our pets develop good habits by training them into behaviors that make life easier for all. Yes, habits can help our lives run smoothly or they can put up roadblocks to optimum health, happiness and inner peace.

Has anyone ever asked you (or have you asked yourself) “why do you keep doing that?” If you really don’t have an answer, then most likely an unconscious habit pattern is the culprit driving your behavior. Good or bad, helpful or not, all habits are formed the same way: we repeatedly practice the behavior until it becomes automatic, no longer then needing to give it a conscious thought to keep it going. No matter the habit, though, they all gain strength through repetition; in time, permanently taking up residence in the subconscious mind.

• The subconscious refers to that part of our mind that is below the level of conscious awareness and is approximately 90% of our mind at large. It has no choice but to accept whatever our conscious mind believes, deems is reasonable, and it is the ”home” of our imagination and emotions, as well as our “pipeline” to the Divine Mind (Source/God/The Universe). It takes things literally, doesn’t know the difference between what is “real” or imagined–good to know when we are imagining our future–and it’s the place where our beliefs and habit patterns take root. Will power is not stronger than the subconscious, so we must understand and work with this part of our mind to change any habit or belief. And, because the subconscious doesn’t like a void, we must replace one habit with another or it will return to the familiar when we’re “not looking”, therefore taking the path of least resistance: Repetition without Resistance is the recipe for creating a habit–any habit (good, bad or ugly).

Why does it seem to be harder to break some of the habits that we have acquired, while others are easily changed without much effort at all? It all depends on our emotional attachment to them. For instance, the bad habits that we could call ”addictions” seem harder to break because the emotional component–our need for them–makes it feel as though we just can’t live without them! Perhaps an addiction is no harder to change than any other habit if we only believe it to be so. We are also conditioned into believing that creating new habits–ones that we would like to have because they are good for us–will be difficult to instill. Again, it is only our resistant thoughts that make it so: fears, doubts and lack of self-love are the culprits that often sabotage our success.

Perhaps the next time someone else (or your own mind) tries to convince you that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or that “old habits die hard”, just turn a deaf ear . . .

Because, as Henry Ford stated so well, “Think you can, think you can’t; either way you’re right”.

Listen to your Heart

Plato theorized that reasoning originated with the brain, but that passions originated in the “fiery” heart.

By the time we reach adulthood, we’ve all been flooded with information on how to keep our hearts healthy through proper nutrition, stress management, exercising and changing some bad habits: whether or not we follow the advice on a regular basis is another matter entirely!  Heart-healthy tips are available all day, every day, from healthcare practitioners, nutritionists and fitness gurus and through every type of media possible. Even though so much good information is offered that we can safely take to heart, there seems to be one rather large missing piece of the puzzle that isn’t given the “press time” that it’s due . . . and that is, the tremendous impact our mental and emotional well-being has on our health in general, and our hearts in particular.

Heart disease is something we’d like to avoid and certainly most of us try to do some of the things that are recommended to keep from becoming a statistic. But if we are ignoring negative feelings, holding on to anger, resentment or the pain of our past, or living in a state of depression, do we really expect that our hearts will be able to stay healthy and strong over the long haul of a lifetime?

Isn’t it feasible that a heart attack could happen to someone who attacks their own heart with a steady diet of negativity? Could it also be possible that hardening of the arteries occurs more often in a person who has become hardened, inflexible, blocking joy and love from flowing freely through their hearts? If we are in the habit of self-rejection, we’re setting the stage for our bodies to eventually play out that scenario in one way or another. . .

• There are a myriad of ways we contribute to the deterioration of the integrity of the cells of our body . . . and it seems rather obvious that allowing negative energy to smolder over the years is a sure-fire way of interfering with homeostasis–the body’s natural rhythm and ability to maintain balance.

We use the word “heart” in our every day language to describe various emotional states: But what we may not realize is that we’re actually feeling these words, experiencing their physical equivalent, in our bodies. For instance, doesn’t the absence of a loved one really make our “heart grow fonder”?  How about when we are feeling good and having fun, don’t we truly experience the effects of being “lighthearted”?  And to the contrary, when we are in the darker emotions, can’t we also feel ourselves being weighed down, “heavyhearted”?

See how many of these sound familiar:

My heart’s desire–the heart of the matter–I’m heartbroken–he’s coldhearted or warmhearted–she has a heart of stone–in my heart of hearts–you are always in my heart–she gave a heartfelt speech–you broke my heart–my heart’s not in it–listen to your heart–spoken from the heart–with all the love in my heart–a heart-to-heart talk–my heart belongs to you. . .

If we can hear our hearts talking to us–giving us messages–then it only makes sense that this most vital organ is also capable of listening to our words, taking what we say “to heart”.

It’s quite apparent that the heart is more than just a fist-sized muscle that weighs around 11 ounces as it beats at the rate of 100,000 times per day, 3.6 million times per year—nor is it merely just a symbol for love:

Our heart is the place we can truly call our “home sweet home” because . . .

Home is where the Heart is!  ♥

“Liar, Liar, pants on fire . . .”

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. 

What’s the deal with lying anyway? Why do we feel the need to lie, even when it not only isn’t beneficial to anyone, but is actually detrimental to our own happiness, health and well-being? Perhaps one of the most common reasons we fib our way through life is that we’ve become accustomed to hiding behind self-limiting beliefs that are always based in lies.

I recently heard about a study that concluded how most of us more readily lie in a text message than in any other form of communication. I don’t know the details of this particular study, but it makes sense that in a text it is easier to “speak” with fewer words, more abbreviations, than we do even in an email and we don’t have to be concerned about our facial expressions and body language giving us away. I guess the motto that was indelibly marked in my mind while growing up–”honesty is the best policy”–is indeed so yesterday!

So is a “little white lie” just a polite way of avoiding honesty . . . or could it be that there’s something much deeper going on that isn’t so innocent after all?

If we tell someone what we think they want to hear–making assumptions–what we’re really doing is attempting to control them so we can avoid feeling something we don’t want to feel, as well as denying them the opportunity to take responsibility for their reactions and gain self-awareness. There is a difference between trampling on someone’s feelings, though, and telling the truth as we see it: we can practice compassion even when we’re being honest, saying what we mean and meaning what we say.

Here are a few reasons we lie:

• We fear being laughed at, criticized or judged for our opinion.
• We don’t believe we have the right to our own opinion.
• We need approval from others.
• We fear getting into “trouble”.
• We want to avoid conflict.
• We want to protect someone because we think they “can’t handle” the truth.
• We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings and suffer the consequences.
• We measure our worthiness by what others think of us.
• We want to hide something we’re ashamed of.

If we can’t face the truth or don’t feel we have the right to do what’s best for us, it may seem “normal” to lie: We become experts at rationalizing, minimizing and justifying our need to lie when we have low self-esteem and/or little self-confidence. And if lies do easily roll off our tongue, then it speaks volumes about how we habitually lie to ourselves in our own minds. When we’re used to telling so many little white lies that we don’t even bat an eye doing it, we must begin exercising our “telling it like it is” muscle to change this pattern: the more we use it, the stronger it becomes.

So the next time you’re tempted to fudge the truth, just remember this classic line from The Castaways 1965 hit song:

  “Liar, liar, pants on fire. Your nose is longer than a telephone wire . . . “ 

Perhaps it will inspire you to change your tune!

Garbage in–Garbage out

Most of us have the wherewithal to dispose of our garbage before it begins to stink: It’s a given that decomposing trash will pollute our living space with a myriad of unwanted things. What may not be so apparent, however, is how much of another type of garbage we may be accumulating that is contaminating our daily life–providing a fertile environment for the growth of stinkin’ thinkin’: If we don’t clean up our thoughts, we will pollute the present moment with yesterday’s rubbish.

A great way to free ourselves and clean up our environment every day is to apply the wisdom from one of my all-time favorite books, “The Four Agreements”, written by Don Miguel Ruiz. The Toltec teachings are the basis for these truly simple concepts, but applying them isn’t necessarily easy: We must commit to mindfulness and persistence if we want to make them second nature.

The following is a simple synopsis of each of the Four Agreements as I have come to know them. If you have already read the book, this will serve as a great reminder of what they will do for you. If you haven’t yet read this little nugget, perhaps now you will feel inspired to do so.

The first agreement– Be impeccable with your word:

This is the foundation for all the other agreements and therefore, the most important one. Your word is the power that you have to create. Use the power of your word in the direction of Truth and Love. Never use the word against yourself and don’t gossip about others. Cease spreading emotional poison to anyone. Being impeccable means to live “without sin”and the greatest sin of all is self-rejection. Never allow the voice in your head to convince you that what you have believed about yourself–what your belief system dictates–is the Truth. If you follow this agreement, you will be free to create Heaven on Earth.

 The second agreement–Don’t take anything personally:

This agreement helps you break the many lies you have believed in. Nothing others do is because of you. Every one of us projects our own reality, and dreams our own dream: We all live in a world of our own making in the virtual reality of our mind. Don’t react to what others project onto you and suffer emotional pain. Practice this agreement and you will have immunity from the opinions and actions of others. You will no longer be the victim of needless suffering.

 The third agreement–Don’t make assumptions:

Assumptions create a world of illusions. Conflicts are based upon making the assumption that you know what anyone else is thinking.  The sadness and drama we create is rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Be courageous and ask questions. Find your voice and ask for what you want. Express yourself clearly and ask for clarity from others to avoid misunderstandings that lead to pain and suffering.

 The fourth agreement– Always do your best:

Don’t give the voice of the belief system the opportunity to judge you. Don’t allow the judge in your mind to make a victim out of you. Sometimes your best will be better than at other times, depending on your emotions. The first three agreements will only work if you do your best. You will not be able to do it perfectly, but when you know you are doing your best, you will not punish yourself over and over again: you will be free to move on.

“True freedom has to do with the human spirit–it is the freedom to be who we really are.”   Don Miguel Ruiz